On one hand, I’m feeling kind of anxious like where is this going?  On the other hand, I have to keep reminding myself we didn’t start dating until November, which was only last month.  So what’s the rush?I guess part of me is concerned because of how much time we’re spending together.  In past relationships, most of the time my exes were quick to want to lock me down and I knew when the talk was coming.  With this one, although we’ve talked about marriage, children, religious beliefs and had other important building towards a relationship-type conversations, he’s still not provided me with any intentions of moving forward.

Last weekend, we went to brunch with his married friends, that was interesting within itself.  I’d met the husband before on a few occasions but it was my first time meeting the wife.  The four of us had a great time, I’m sure the bottomless mimosas helped.

The same weekend I went to a Christmas party his group of friends were hosting and invited my girlfriend and the guy she’s dating to mix things up a little.  Again, I had a great time with his friends and they invited me to join them for a ski trip next month.  At first I was hesitant but said why not, besides I haven’t been skiing in years so I figured it would be fun.

While, I can’t help but wonder why “the talk” hasn’t happened yet, deep in my heart I’m pretty sure this isn’t something  temporary or part of “cuffing season“.  I really like him so the anticipation is getting to me.

Update: I was supposed to post this last week but got caught up with life.  So it’s official, I’m back off the market again.  Honestly, didn’t expect that to happen so soon.  Well, happy New Year!

A few days later he called and invited me to a birthday dinner for one of his friends, where all of his close friends would be.  At first I was kind of nervous because I was thinking I barely know you, I don’t think I’m ready to meet and be judged by your friends.  Plus DC can be very clique-y so I really didn’t know what to expect from his friends.

Fortunately, since DC is so small I ended up knowing the birthday girl through another friend and found out we’re in the same sorority.  There were also two people there who went to the school I went to for undergrad, small world.  The one alum was friends with a guy I dated in college, go figure.  We ended having a great time at dinner and kept the party going by taking it to a lounge. 

While it was cool to meet his friends, they’re a great bunch of people, I still can’t help but think that it was just a little too early.  I guess in one way it’s a good sign that he thought enough of me to want me to meet his friends.  In my experience, I’m a little hesitant to introduce the person I’m dating to friends and family until I know there’s something there.  There’s nothing worse than introducing someone to your friends/family, they make a great impression, y’all stop dating and they always ask “what ever happened to so and so?” Grrr

Over the weekend, he asked me if I wanted to go out of town with him next month for another friend’s birthday weekend to hang out with the friend and his girlfriend.  Thank God, I’ll be in Puerto Rico so I didn’t have to say no. 

Part of me is impressed by the fact he wants to spend so much time with me and incorporate me into his life, despite the fact we’ve only known each other for 3 weeks.  The other part is like he’s moving way too fast. 

For now, I’m just playing it cool to see where his head is at.  So do you all think it’s normal to meet the friends, when you’re only 2 weeks in?  Fellas, have you ever introduced a girl you’d just started dating to your friends?  Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

Usually Paul’s advice is spot-on but the challenge he issued to women today, rubbed me the wrong way.  Prior to issuing the challenge, he gave an interesting stat saying that “Women over the age of 25, typically go on 3-5 dates a year.”  The whole time I was thinking that can’t possibly be right, but when I put it out to Twitter other black women said that was about right.  Maybe I’m just an anomaly, because I’ve done quite a bit of dating over the last 3 years.  Shoot, I was in a relationship for most of this year and I’ve been out with at least 5 guys and some of them multiple times in 2011 alone. But anyways back to the challenge…

Paul’s challenge to woman was to ask 10 men out by January 1, 2012.  I take issue with this for a number of reasons.  Mainly because I don’t believe in women asking men out.  Call me old-fashion, but it’s the man’s role to ask a woman out, not the other way around.  When women change-up the natural order of things, everything gets messed up.  Our society already has enough issues when it comes to dating and relationships, why make matters worse by having a bunch of women going out asking men out?

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with making eye contact, speaking first, or simply flirting, but once a woman crosses the boundary by asking a man for his number and asking him out that’s taking it too far.

Here’s where my issue lies.  I want a man to be a man.  Too many women are getting caught up in being so independent and saying things like “I don’t need a man” or “there are no good men out there.”  While there’s nothing wrong with being an independent woman, I don’t believe women should take on characteristics of men, especially when it comes to dating.  Once a woman asks a man out she sets the tone for how things will work from then on out.  If she asks him out first, whether subconsciously or not, he will likely expect her to initiate things going forward.

Trust me I’ve seen it happen many times before.  A while ago, I went out with one of my girlfriends to a local restaurant.  She spotted a guy she thought was attractive and spent the evening pursuing him and flirting with him.  They exchanged numbers, 6 months later she wondered why the guy would call her but never made any attempt to ask her out but he’d always “joke” when are you going to ask me out? Although she said he would say it in a joking manner, I’m sure in his mind he was thinking, hey she approached me the next move is up to her.

If you’re just looking to have a little fun and not a relationship, I say go for the dating challenge.  Ask 10 men out, pay for the dates, and see how things progress from there.  For women who are having problems finding dates, I guess there’s nothing to lose, let me know how things work out.  As for me I’m good.

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

During Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) weekend, I was out and about as usual and ended up meeting one guy.  He seemed to be a “nice” guy, no more no less.  I know here we go with the “nice” descriptor women use to describe a man she’s really not that into or at least not that into at the moment.  

He was overweight, while I’m being honest he was more so morbidly obese, but again he seemed to have a pleasant demeanor so I decided to be more open to someone who wasn’t physically what I’m looking for.  After all, you can always change being overweight, nothing a little gym time and healthy eating habits couldn’t fix.  After our first and only date, I realized he was an obnoxious, name-dropper with a potty mouth plus he was 16 years my senior.  Umm, no thanks.  Next.  

The next guy, who I liked to refer to as my MBA boo, we met in Atlanta at the NBMBAA conference in October.  Honestly, he was the epitome of what I like physically in that he was tall and handsome.  I looked past the fact he was 36 with a 18-year-old son, hey things happen.  I met him the first day I was down there and we met up each day.  We ended up going on a date before I flew back home.  We continued talking/texting for like a week, then it fizzled out.  With him being in Atlanta and me being here, I didn’t really expect much to come of it because I’m not big on long distance.  Oh well.

So two weeks ago, I went to my favorite annual Halloween party. I got there early and claimed a space with my girls.  Honestly, I was simply going to have fun didn’t intend on meeting anyone, eventhough my girl claims I always meet people when we go out. 

Close to the end of the night, I decided to venture away from my girls and make my rounds.  As soon as I did this guy in a ridiculous costume, wig and all, approached me, gotta love Halloween.  It was refreshing that he didn’t try to  spit game, we’re too old for that, besides I usually see past that anyway.  We just had a pretty standard conversation, from what I remember after having a few drinks that night.

Fast forward, it’s only been two weeks and we’ve been out a few times.  I’ve already meet several of his friends, it’s always nice to be welcomed into someone else’s world.  Another interesting thing is we both work in the same field, are only children, love to eat, cook and travel and he knows what Jack & Jill is.  A bourgie girls dream come true.  No let me stop LOL.  So far he seems cool.  We’ll see where things go from here…

It was one thing to be like that when we were younger, in our teens and twenties, but I feel like now we need to be smart about who we’re dating before giving up on our relationships with female friends. 

I have a few friends now anytime you ask them to go anywhere, they either say they’re coming and back out at the last-minute, don’t come because they can’t bring their significant other, or they simply just don’t respond to any contact while they are dating someone.  While we’ve all been there, there comes a point when you have to realize you have other relationships that need to be maintained, whether it’s with your friends or your family, that are just as important.

I can’t lie I remember being in a relationship or two in college, eons ago, and I neglected my relationships with my girlfriends.  It happens.  After that, I vowed to never do it again.  The key takeaway was learning a man will not always be there but your true friends will.

With that said, ladies before you make a man, who you aren’t married to, your priority make sure you think about the effects it will have on your other relationships.  I’ll let it slide once, maybe twice, but after that if you’re not a long-time friend, don’t call me for a shoulder to cry on, after you’ve ignored my attempts at maintaining our friendship.

How many times have you encountered this?  How did you handle things when your girlfriend tried to come back into your life?  Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

Last week, I attended a fundraiser and spent part of the evening greeting all those who came in for the event.  I’m pretty introverted so being a greeter isn’t my favorite thing to do but I’m friendly and I’ll do it when needed.  This one guy came in I greeted him and thought hmm he’s cute.  I asked him if he was there for our event, he wasn’t, so he went about his business but remained within my gaze.

Throughout the evening, I’d occasionally find him stealing a glance at me.  I don’t approach men, never have, never will.  So, I decided I’d just make eye contact to let him know I was interested.  Hey it’s always worked in the past, it should work this time right? 

I looked up again and this time spotted him across the bar from me as he was about to close out his tab.  We locked eyes, he smiled then said something across the bar.  The young lady I was standing with walked off to make her rounds so it was the perfect opportunity for him to come over.  So he gets his card back and the next thing I know he’s walking out the door. 

Wait what?  That’s not what was supposed to happen.  I try not to overanalyze random encounters with strangers but I keep thinking about what went wrong.   If I was the kind of girl who approached guys, things probably would’ve turned out differently.  But I’m not, so I’m just left wondering how this guy who was clearly interested missed the signals I was putting out.  True he could have been in a relationship which is why he decided not to seal the deal, but guess what I’ll never know.  But then again, this is DC so knowing my luck I’ll run into him again some where. 

Looking approachable, basic eye contact and a smile are pretty much the only ways I make my interest known.  Some guys get it some guys don’t, oh well if it’s meant to be it will be.

Ladies, without approaching men, what are some ways you make it known that you’re interested without looking too obvious?  Guys, what are some creative ways women have gotten your attention?  Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

In my last post, You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em…, the relationship was definitely on the rocks but I decided to wait it out until my birthday (the end of July) to make a final decision. 

A ”situation” happened to my ex 2 weeks before my birthday which probably should’ve brought us closer but ended up pushing me away.  I wish I could write about it, but y’all probably wouldn’t even believe me.  Still shaking my head.

Fast forward to my birthday week.  After 8 months of dating my broke guy, a few days before my birthday he comes over to my place for dinner.  I left the kitchen for a few moments and come back and there’s a card on the counter.  I open it up and it’s some cheesy, generic birthday card, not even Hallmark.  Nothing heartfelt, no nice message written inside just signed Mr. MSM.

So this part takes the cake.  Under the envelope I noticed there was a Netflix movie.  Seriously WTH? Just the thought of it still makes me angry.  This fool gave me a generic card and a Netflix rental for my birthday, not even a real movie nor was it even one of my favorite movies.  It was damn Julie & Julia, and I say WTH again!  I was like you’ve truly got to be kidding me.  Needless to say, from that moment on I knew it was over.

About a week after my birthday, I finally called him back and told him I didn’t think things could work out between us.  Not that I was expecting Tiffany’s for my birthday (although that’s what I’m used to) a little thought (aka creativity) would’ve been nice.  He’s was 0 in 3 for gift giving.  For Christmas, he gave me a poem (wasn’t romantic, just some random poem) but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  Valentine’s Day no gift, no card, just some prix-fixe dinner.  Then my birthday I get a generic card and Netflix movie. I was so done.

While we did have some good times, the poor gift choices along with practically everything else (i.e. differences in lifestyle, career aspirations, family relationships) just made me realize that we live worlds apart.  I tried for 8 months but at this point in my life, I’m not about wasting anyone’s time nor having mine wasted.

Although we broke up at the beginning of August, he would still text or email me. Last week, he sent me an email talking about how he thought we’d be together forever and that I was ”The One”.  Not to sound heartless, while that was a nice gesture, words are just words.  Even if he hit the lottery, in my heart I still don’t think we’d be compatible for the long haul. 

Honestly, broke is more than a financial situation, it’s a way of life.  He’s not used to having much and is content on barely making it.  In fact since his ”situation” in July he’s alleged moved into 2 apartments but they weren’t satisfactory and has been living with family since.  

After his email, I had to be real with him and say look it’s not going to work.  If you can’t afford an apartment and you’re too broke to do anything how can you afford an engagement ring or even more how would you be able to support a family? Yeah not happening anytime soon.  I like to joke that my eggs are drying up, hey they are though.  I can’t and I’m not waiting forever for someone who just doesn’t get it.

So where does that leave me?  I’m back on market and enjoying my singleness.  It’s great to have leftovers again and not having some eating up all of my food and not contributing, just saying.  But I digress, I’m back to my old approachable self.  It’s worked and I’ve had a few dates but nothing serious.  I’m open and still positive my Mr. Right will find me, hopefully sooner than later.  And I’m back, just like I never left.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been starting to have doubts regarding our relationship.  Not that I haven’t known this all along, but we are two very, very different people.  At first, I accepted it as a challenge with the mindset that I’ve dated enough  guys who were more of my caliber but things hadn’t worked out so it was time to finally take a walk outside of my comfort zone and explore other options.

While, I think he’s a great guy and I love the fact that he’s willing to do anything for me, he reminds me a lot of my ex from grad school in that manner.  People always talked about how perfect we were together, I just knew the gifts from Tiffany’s and the trips wouldn’t make me happy (although I love being spoiled).  Now, I don’t get any of that.  The dates are few and far between, our personalities conflict at times,  and I just don’t know if I can see myself married to him forever.  I did for a while but forever is a long time and I would hate to make a bad decision.

Things like him not saying “bless you” when I sneeze, when I want to talk about what was discussed at a meeting, or how he never wants to have a substantial conversation about what’s going on in the world is starting to bother me.

Recently, one of my girlfriends made it a point to tell me “You don’t seem excited when talking about him.”  While I’m not usually one who gushes over being with someone, I think she had a point.  It made me wonder, maybe the reason I’m not “excited” is because I’ve been internally doubting “us” and our relationship. 

Part of me wonders if I’m having doubts because I’m scared about the possibility of marrying someone/anyone, even though I’ve wanted to be married for at least the last 7 years of my life (I always thought I’d be married by 24) or if I’m genuinely worried that I don’t think that things could work out between us in the long run.  Right now, I’m in somewhat a state of confusion. While I don’t think of my current relationship as settling (which I’m dead set against) I wonder if part of me is just willing to accept him because I’ve realized there is no perfect man which has allowed me to become more tolerant of flaws I would never had accepted when I was younger.

Seriously, I’m at the point where all that keeps playing in my head is “you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when fold’em.”  I’m torn.

So life has been good, the relationship hasn’t been perfect but things are going well.  The only thing I’ve had to kind of get used to is not going out as much.  Being that I’m somewhat of a social butterfly and if I had the option, I’d be happy going out every single day of the week.  My guy is such the total opposite.  He’s content with not doing anything but eating at home and renting a RedBox.  Anytime we do go out, when I ask him what he thinks of what we just ate/did/saw he uses one word to describe it, “okay”.  I’ve had to realize that we both have different interests so one thing I can’t share with him is my love of food (unless it involves me cooking), I have to rely on my girlfriends for that. 

 The only problem with that is these days it seems as if most of my girlfriends are also in relationships so it’s hard for us to just have an impromptu meeting in the city.  I guess that’s what my single girlfriends are there for.  All I can say is what a difference a year makes! 

While having a significant other is nice, I can’t help but miss my single girl days, mostly all the dating I did.  The best part of being completely single was I learned so much about myself and wouldn’t trade my 2 years of singledom for anything.  It truly taught me how to separate the real from the BS, and I dealt with a lot of BS.  Fortunately, that prepared me for my current relationship so I was able to meet a great guy and forget about those fools who tried to play me.

I’ve never been in a relationship where I’d see my BF literally everyday.  At first, it would freak me out when he gave me a key and would ask me when I was coming home (meaning his place), now I think it’s cute. 

With all that said, I realized that although I’m in a relationship, I’m still single until somebody puts a ring on it so I might ask well continue to write even if it’s not the intimate details of my dating life.  Living in the DC area, there’s so much to write about when it comes to dating and relationships, it would be impossible for me to run out of things/situations to write about.  So be on the lookout for more new posts from me.  Sorry I’ve been away for so long.

I can’t help it, I’m constantly trying to ingratiate him into my life by showing/telling him the things that I like.  The best part is he makes an honest effort to try to do these things even if they are out of his comfort zone.  No matter what it is that I suggest he’ll usually at least consider it and will comply if he know that it’s something that will make me happy.

On another note, I’ve come to realize although he does have goals and aspirations they aren’t nearly as elaborate or grandiose as mine.  He’s not at all concerned about keeping up with the Joneses’ or trying to live up to the status quo.  What can I say, I was raised differently and “keeping up appearances” is like second nature to me.

Going back to the convo with my girlfriend.  She was telling me about a classmate of hers who said he was always in situations where women were constantly upgrading him.  She didn’t go into much detail but I could only imagine women buying him things, teaching him what a good man should know and the like.  All I could think was I’m sure after a while that could get old.  And it made me think, am I doing the same thing to the guy I’m dating?

I know who I am and I know what I like, I’m very stubborn and I can admit that.  I can also be a little selfish in that I expect someone to upgrade themselves to fit in line with my expectations, but don’t always do the same in return.  At least I’m willing to admit it and am consciously trying to work on this.

Who wouldn’t get tired of trying to change someone into what you want them to be rather than accepting them for who they are?  I know I would.  What happens when you’ve upgraded a man so much, he takes his new and improved self somewhere else?  I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

I have girlfriends who’ve dated guys who told them they needed to look, dress, or even act a certain way.  By the way, none of them are still with these guys.  I guess after a while, one of them got tired of trying to upgrade the other or one got tired of being the one getting upgraded. 

I guess I’m at the point where I wonder if I should continue a relationship with a person who is my polar opposite?  He tries so hard to be the man I want him to be but I can help but feel like I’m being selfish by somewhat grooming him into what I like.  Don’t get me wrong I try to meet him halfway but he’s definitely putting in way more effort than I am.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been the upgrader or the upgradee? (yes, I made those words up but you know what I mean) How do you know if it’s worth the time and investment?  Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?